my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What a dumb baby whore.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
MIDGETS
????
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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