I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
