During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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