And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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