So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
