I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I die, sorry about rent.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
