Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
