Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize