I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
