2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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