Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
