I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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