I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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