So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
