I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize