dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
