If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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