Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
