shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
