We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I checked into jail on foursquare
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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