New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
