Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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