So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
