i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
