he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
