Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
