dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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