ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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