my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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