Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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