Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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