i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
