my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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