not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
