well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
