i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
