why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
