Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My vagina just clenched in fear
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
