gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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