i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
