i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
