Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize