Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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