The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
