Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
