im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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