Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
