If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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