If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize