Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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