I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
