a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
