Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
