it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
