A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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