She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
