Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
