To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
