happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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