why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
