I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize