no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
it's like heaven, but drunker
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
