Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
