I just cut my nipple shaving
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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