I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
