Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have tasted many bathrooms
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
