i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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