I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
