She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize