Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
