I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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