my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
