Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
