after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
