Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
