What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
