The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
