she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she peed on how many people?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
