So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
