dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
