And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
