it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
