You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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