I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize