Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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