Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
