Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
