People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize