Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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