I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
