I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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