im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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