Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
