i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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