DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
