if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
