oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh god the rape fog is back!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize