hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
