I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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