How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
