ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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