He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
