hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
