I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
