Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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