I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
