so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
