Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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