turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
