32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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