no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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