i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
