Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
