i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
