You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize